Man, isn’t everyone always just doing so much bloody better than me? If they are not smarter, they are prettier. If they are not prettier, they have a better job than me. If not a better job, a happier relationship. If not a happier relationship, then I can assure you my brain will find a way to convince myself that I am less successful than them.
Aren’t our minds a bitch? My whole life, I’ve been caught up in what everyone else is doing. I always have had that one or two people in the remit of my life I know that I have an insane level of jealously and envy for.
Throughout schooling, university, workplace, and in now owning a business. There is no escape for my mind to just settle and be happy with what I’ve got and who I am. It is constant competition with myself and my anxiety just keeps pushing me to a point where I am convinced I am not good enough.
For people like me, high achievers, perfectionists, people who cannot settle for anything less than for what we might consider “best”, we begin to live our daily lives consumed with furious level of never being good enough.
I am not good enough for this. I am not good enough for that. THAT PERSON IS BETTER, therefore I am not good.
I think we all have elements of it. The grass is always greener, right? But I feel like sometimes us anxiety folk live with it more (see, aaaaalways a comparison!)
I am tired of being disappointed in who I am, what I am, and how I am doing it. I want to be okay with the fact that some people are going to be prettier, smarter, more successful, and just better at certain things. AND THAT IS OK. Because you know what?
I am good at things too. I am better at things too. I just need to convince myself that…
Over and out,
Camille, your fellow anxious comrade.
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